Monday, April 9, 2012

Just a Bunch of Perky Puppies and Smitten Kittens. Oh, and some Girl Tips.

My roommate and I really should have been compiling all of the advice, recipes, and shenanigans of this school year because I am fairly certain we could have hit best seller status on the NYT List.

Even though, I would argue, that practically everything hits best seller with New York Times.  But that is not the point.

So last night we made up the concepts of smitten kittens and perky puppies.  We have been discussing boys a lot lately (duh, we are girls) and somehow these two just came about.  We don't really have a move that we are calling the smitten kitten yet, but I can give you the premier definition of the perky puppy move:

You know when you are sitting or lounging around all comfy (and therefore likely slouching in your chair or wherever you may be) and then your phone goes off and you get a text, instantly perking up and diving for your phone? (Alright, that could just be a girl thing, but when we are talking to someone, interested in someone, or have a pretty good friendship developing, we tend to dive for our phones).

Well THAT, my blog friends, is the perky puppy (the perking up, not the diving necessarily).  Just like when your cute adorable puppy is sitting all nice and quiet by your leg (does that really happen??) and you get out his favorite toy and suddenly he is on his feet with his tail wagging and looking overjoyed.

Who WOULDN'T want to be compared to that cute little puppy?  Let's make him a husky, because that is my favorite.  And it's my I get what I want.  :)

This doesn't have to be just a text- pictures, something someone saw when they were out (Jurassic Park Arcade Game- you know who you are), something someone heard that reminded them of you, or really just anything that makes you go from relaxed to super excited in an instant.  And it can happen with boyfriends, best friends, regular friends, anyone.  I would argue though, the strong the interest/feelings, the more pronouced it is. Ever seen someone surfing the net on their computer and suddenly the sit up way more straight and look excited? Perky Puppy.

Speaking of Jurassic Park and going on my love of random tangents, I had my reoccurring dinosaur nightmare last night where the Spinosaurus Egypticus (shut up I watch Jurassic Park a LOT, and 3 is my second favorite) was stomping over people's houses.  Luckily for me I hid in the basement of the one I was in when he crushed it and he didn't see me, but seriously I am a little worried that some day him, the raptors, or T-Rex are going to find me in one of those.

Dear Scientists...please don't clone them if you find the DNA.  PLEASE.

Regardless of the dinobullies, I need to come up with something creative that can be the smitten kitten.  So far we have also decided that a person can be a perky puppy or smitten kitten in general...

Oh, maybe the smitten kitten thing can be the actual motion of pouncing on your phone when you hear your noise go off.  HA, genius.

Now, boys, if you are still reading and haven't overloaded on estrogen yet, I offer you up this tip:

Sometimes, you all have to text us first.  My roomie has a friend who is not doing a very good job of this and it made me decide to throw it out there.  REGARDLESS of whether you are wanting to just be friends, wanting to be more than friends, or just wanting in a girls pants (in which case you really need to rethink your morals, just sayin) have to text us first sometimes. 

We girls don't like to have to do all the work.  I personally don't like to make the first move in a situation I think that is still something that a guy should do.  I like when people offer up ideas for first dates or things like that, and don't discount the normal things like fun at the park or staying in, most of us really don't need elaborate things.

We really just need realistic things.

And actually, now that I am on it, allow me to go ahead and offer up other DON'Ts based on past relationships I have had:
  1. DO NOT ask a girl to go out to dinner with you at iHOP at midnight...only to then invite your whole entire family of brothers and cousins (some who are super young) and then inform her that she can meet you there...This will not end well.  I can assure you she will creatively come up with an sudden crappy attitude and reason she cannot attend and you will be nearly dead by the next time she sees you.
  2. DO NOT tell her what you pick as a first dance to "your wedding"...if you have only been dating her a month.  Not smart.  In fact, quite scary.  Can you say, obsessive??
  3. DO NOT and I have to repeat this DO NOT EVER tell her not to worry about this other friend you have because that other friend is "way out of" your league.  She will stare through your soul.  Or slap you in the face.  All that makes it sound like is you think the other girl is way hotter.  And maybe she is, but you are an idiot if you say it.
  4. DO NOT take your mother out using the giftcard your girlfriend bought you for Christmas.  Really...we buy them to give you an excuse to take us out.  That should be inherently obvious. We are smart like that.
  5. DO NOT ask her if she would ever consider adopting your relatives kids...especially if there are five of them.  No, those kids have parents, and quite frankly are hellians from questionable raising.  So no, she won't want to. 
  6. DO NOT tell a girl that you are done with drinking and partying with your friends and then go out the next weekend and post all over facebook how drunk you are.  And then do it again the next weekend...and the next....
  7. IN FACT don't just tell us what we want to hear.  Your actions will rat you out.  Just be honest with us and don't waste both of our time by lying.
  8. DO NOT try to get sexual with a girl when you haven't even kissed her.  This will royally backfire, I can assure you.
  9. DO NOT go on and on about how you don't want a serious relationship.  Clearly this will end it.  Why would I waste my time if that is all you can talk about.  Oh, and when you get in a relationship a month later and are posting all kinds of lovey-dovey BS...don't sit there wondering why I don't want to be your facebook friend, genius. 
  10. And finally, DO NOT spend your entire conversation talking about someone else.  In my case, the guy talked about a kid all the time.  All.  The.  Time.  But the thing is, whoever you are talking to your best friend about the entire time, that's the person you love.  And if you are talking to your girlfriend about someone else a whole lot, eventually we are going to determine that it is them that you love and not us.  And obviously you wouldn't talk about us necessarily to our face all the time and gush about how much you love spending time with us, we don't expect that.  But it stands to reason you would be asking about stuff in our life or talking about various common interests or planning things...and not saying how much you think you would die if that other person was not in your life.
Now, hopefully some of you got a good laugh out of this because you would never do any of these, but maybe in there you can find some advice too.  There are very few people a girl will play second string to (I will happily play second string in someone's life to God.  That is reasonable.  A seven year old that isn't their own kid- not so much.)  And we love when we know that you know us, and you think of us, or something reminded you of us.  And who doesn't? I am quite sure guys would like the same things too in a relationship (your girl knows the score of your team because she actually paid attention since she knows you love them, or bought your favorite beer for the Monday Night Football game because she noticed you were out). 

Girls are really not that hard of a code to crack.

Until next rant. ;) Pin It Now!

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