Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Inner Workings of a Female Mind

Well sadly it was brought to my attention that maybe my freezer was not the most interesting topic by a friend of mine (I'll get him back for that later, mwahahaha).  It was only a matter of time before I was going to blog about females anyway, so why not right now.  Everything from here on out is merely my opinion as it follows my own personal experiences either with myself or other females.  First, a little what we mean versus what we say:

What the girl over there says:
"I told my roommate nutella will make her fat.  Most of the meals I eat are under 200 calories."
"I am super insecure about my weight, am somewhat hoping you will answer back with some comment on how I look good or something along those lines, and possibly am somewhat jealous of my roommate."

This seems to be pretty consistent amongst girls- most times if we are saying something derogatory about another girl, it is related to something we are insecure about.  We comment on how hoochie that girl looks in her bikini, while really wishing we were secure enough to wear one or had the "bikini bod".  We don't like to come out and just say what is on our mind, but we do end up doing it in a roundabout way.

Girls (though not only girls) are often under a lot of self-made pressure.  We see stars like Megan Fox, or Angelina, and naturally assume that every guy wants us to look just like them or we don't have a chance.  So we do dumb things- we bake in tanning beds, we buy shorter shorts, we dye our hair- some of us basically try to look like the Playboy Bunnies because we think that is the kind of girl that every guy is looking for.  I am not saying that we never think we are good enough for someone, but we do get a little high strung in the looks department from time to time.  Not every boy is looking for a centerfold, but there are just times where we have a hard time believing that.  We go through crazy workouts and treatments to get that illusive bikini body that we always see or we try to alter something on us thinking that it is what will make all the difference.

Some girls (you know some like this I'd bet) do this so much that they completely ignore their individuality and personality.  We have idolized images like the classic blonde valley girl, without every really finding out if the opposite sex is truly attracted to that.  For instance, I was walking by a group of guys today and one of them mentioned how this girl said "like" every other word and it was driving him insane.  So while these girls were all trying to pull the ditzy "like" valley "like" girl "and whatever", the boys were wanting a normal girl.

What we sometimes fail to realize is that the boys don't always want to bring home a centerfold to their momma.  Now they may still want to get with them, but that's not pertinent to this blog.

You know those bombshell girls who date those loser dudes?  Ever wonder what in the heck is going on with that?  I propose that there are a couple different possibilities:
  1. That boy is incredibly sweet, very attentive, and looks at her like nothing else in the world exists when she walks in the room.  I find this to be somewhat rare, as I dated guys who were arguably below what I should have been looking for (mainly hugely lacking in personality and any romantic ability including having the guts to kiss me first).  But there really are occasions where guys will manage to get in good with a gorgeous girl and they really go the extra mile for her.  If you can deliver the look that says "You are everything to me" instead of "Get in to bed with me", you can do pretty well (although we like the latter look now and then, for the record).
  2. She thinks she can't do better. Sometimes, for whatever reason, we really undershoot what we deserve (guilty) and tell ourselves that whatever jerk/loser we are with is as good as we can do (recovering from being guilty, haha).  We let people treat us bad, ignore us (very guilty), things like that, because we get in this mindset.  I'm not always sure how this comes about, sometimes we are insecure after previous breakups I believe, maybe something happened in our life, or someone may have said something to us that really dug in deep.  It can take a good while to come out of this mentality and go for a guy who isn't a loser.  Not to mention we hate admitting that they were a loser and we were wrong in the first place.  And every now and then we just do it because we are afraid of ending up alone forever.
  3. One of them is a complete jerk.  Maybe she is, and he is so happy to be with a girl that looks like that that he would put up with it to the ends of the earth.  Or maybe he is and just like the second scenario she thinks she deserves it.  Or, maybe he has the cash and support to back it up.  I am not saying that every pretty girl is shallow and is all about money, but it happens now and then.  Some girls are really weird, and just seem to like jerks.  I personally can't explain the money or the liking complete tools one, as I don't understand it.  
Whatever the reason is, it can pretty much be chalked up to we don't always make sense, and a lot of it stems from insecurity.  You want to find out though? Get her talking about her guy.  Say "he seems like a nice guy" and go from there.  One thing about girls- most of us will spill.  We will either gush about the ways he is fantastic or you will start hearing hints of disillusion in our stories.

Another thing that is very common to many girls: At almost all times during the day we are sizing someone up and comparing ourselves to them

This can take a variety of forms depending on our mood, but we are either looking at a girl running in her sports bra thinking about how we need to work out more, or we are looking at that girl and really not liking her at the moment because she looks really good and fit in that stupid sports bra.  We can think we are fat or not good looking enough just because we see those Victoria's Secret models and don't quite compare.  Sometimes, we just can't help seeing all the girls on TV or the ones in the magazines and wondering if that is what we are supposed to be looking like. 

On the other hand, if we are the girl being stared at, we automatically assume that something is wrong with how we look (oh dear God are my jeans unzipped?!?!) or basically trying to figure out what is making someone stare.  Some of us will divert to the nearest mirror or window just to make sure that we don't have something on our face, no wardrobe malfunctions, etc.  The more people staring, the more strange we feel.

(You know the song "She Don't Know She's Beautiful"...that applies to so many of us.)

I think most of this goes for single girls.  Society sometimes makes us feel like we HAVE to have a guy at all times or we are somehow a failure, so girls with boyfriends probably aren't so insecure.  But I have seen some of the prettiest girls question whether or not they are homely or ugly after long periods of not having a guy.  It is really somewhat scary how much society can get under our skins.  We feel like there is so much at stake when it comes to finding someone, or that we are going to blow it somehow.

I don't think guys are exempt from this either.  Society teaches them that they all need to have ripped muscles and 6packs and super hot girlfriends. 

Here are things that I think are excellent ways to get in good with a female in the current day:
  1. Become her friend.  This is risky, it can land you in the friend zone but if it does you weren't gonna have a chance with her anyway.  I speak from experience when I say that my relationships happened because I was comfortable with someone.  Almost all my relationships were with someone that I considered to be my best friend at the time.  All of them were with friends.  I may not be the average case, but when I am used to hanging out with someone and they have been there to see my highs and my lows already, I am much more secure about dating and handing over my emotional ties to that person then I would be with a random guy.  You develop so many memories and bonds, and you really know how you and that person work on a personal level.
  2. Get creative.  You want to meet females? Go play on their turf.  Yoga class, zumba, if you are secure enough with your man card, find a friend who can be your wing girl and GO.  Or fly solo, which I think is more high risk- high reward.  I might at first question whether a guy in a yoga class was straight, but let's say he is in there to train for football or MMA or something like that, and I am going to be really interested.  AND I will be even more interested because I am in a class with mostly females and therefore the stakes are high that I need to get to you first.  Plus, you have little to no competition in there, which helps your case in all circumstances.  I also wouldn't go with a wing man really, because that I think puts you at a higher risk of seeming anything but straight.
  3. Don't let the first thing you say to her be a pickup line.  That is old.  Try some interesting small talk instead.  This is probably obvious...but still.  I would personally rather hear someone say "This weather is awesome, I've been going insane couped up at work" or something like that instead of some cheesy line or comment about how hot I look.  I'd look for the nearest exit after the "hott" line, but I would get in to a conversation about this amazing sunshine and how it makes me want to go to a park or something. (In which case you could mention walking your dog at the park yesterday, and I would be sold)....(although you may have to borrow someone's dog).
  4. In fact, don't call a girl hot before you call her beautiful. It just sounds like you want in her pants.  Which maybe you do.  But many of us are suckers for the words "beautiful" and "gorgeous".  Hot registers deep in our brains as cheap.  And we don't want to feel cheap. 
A lot of us do eventually come out of most of our insecurities.  We are not crazy and psycho, we aren't usually consumed by all of this stuff, it just happens to us from time to time.  It can be intimidating talking to a new guy and it takes us a little time to find our footing. 

Basically, the inner workings of the female mind are constantly telling us to be more impressive, do things that make us stand out, to hide our flaws, and to look "perfect" (or whatever we believe that is, which tends to be counterproductive to standing out {sea of orange and platinum blonde}).  Then someone comes along, tells us we are absolutely perfect just the way we are, and next thing you know we are giggling like a third grade girl and texting our best female friend about it (who, if single, is hating us at that exact moment, which you knew if you learned anything from this blog).  When we feel like we are pretty high on the boy's most important things list, we thrive. 

So there you go boys.  Stop acting like jerks, stop acting like you are too hott in your plaid shirts and Bieber hair, and start doing what works for the long term. 

No really.  Enough with the Bieber hair. Pin It Now!

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