A Female of Substance

To anyone who saw this update on their twitter or however else and was hoping I had come up with something crafty already today, I am sad to say that will be a post for later tonight.

If it makes you feel better, I have some very promising homemade bread rising in a loaf pan in the kitchen.  Rest assured, there will be shenanigans later.

Over the past few weeks I have intermittently been in multiple discussions that have got me thinking about the state of the female lifestyle in our society.  I am in no way shape or form going to bash my gender or anything like that, but I do think we have a bit of room for improvement.  Allow me to elaborate using my own personal life experiences.

When I was in 6th grade I was a horribly pudgy little thing...with braces...and a perm.  Yes, all three at once.  Shockingly, this was not the time in my life when I had low self-esteem.  My 6th grade self, I believe, was blissful unaware that boys existed still, and really just wanted to beat the next version of Pokemon.  The rumors are true, I was born a geek.

Between 6th and 7th grade I played AAU basketball (hated every minute of it).  I lost about 30 pounds, I shot up about 5 inches, and the next thing I knew I was suddenly on the interest radar of boys.  Which might just have been because we all hit puberty, but that's beside the point.  Believe it or not, that was actually when my self-esteem bottomed out.

As hard as it is to explain the why, I actually still saw myself as the pudgy little kid.  It was your stereotypical messed up body image, and I actually still fight with that today.  I never would wear horizontal stripes, and when I think about it I can't name you a single shirt in my closet with them because I still never think they look nice.  At 5'7" or 5'8" (depends who you ask), and back then the all of 128 that I was, I was anything but fat.  Most people asked my mom if I was anorexic.  I wasn't, I just had a killer metabolic explosion.

This is all a roundabout way of getting to my point, which will be longwinded I'm sure.  I made some terrible boyfriend choices.  There was maybe one in the whole mix that had potential through my highschool and ISU years...but none that I can legitimately say are the "one that got away".  And time and time again I found myself in the very same situations with whoever the boyfriend of the month was, and time and time again I found it created cracks in who I was versus who I wanted to be.

Ladies, for the love of all that is good in the world, stop with the picture sending.  Somehow we all got on this weird craze didn't we? You know, the slightly (or very) suggestive pictures that oh so accidentally got sent?  Somehow, this has become the newest flirting fad.  Let me tell you it is completely one sided and it really does you no good. 

Here is what we never saw coming with the fad: every little "innocent" picture sent is a solid step toward building a relationship on sand.  Not sure what I am talking about? Back to the Bible we go, which talks about building your "house" on a solid foundation.  AKA, not sand.  Well the same applies for relationships like this.  I have found that more often than not, the pictures develop (pun intended) a relationship that is based on the physical.

WE HAVE TO STOP BASING OURSELVES ON THE PHYSICAL.

If every day you wake up as a female and you get on the scale and that decides how your day goes, you need to turn your mentality around.  I know some very skinny people who are completely shallow and have no substance to them at all.

The worst part about this picture junk is you set this expectation for the next female that comes along when this relationship inevitably ends.  Never thought about that one?   I cannot tell you how many boys I have talked to over the past year that hint at or directly want pictures.  After being where I was in life, it's the single biggest turnoff.  Now, I am not including this for things when you have been dating someone a long time, you are at a special event and they say hey babe send me a picture.  Those are not the kind of pictures I am blasting here.

A very good friend and I were talking recently about the crazy definitions words like "sexy" have come to hold.  Somehow, in this whole mess of basing ourselves on the physicalities we have managed to replace the word "attractive" with the idea of "sexy". Does anyone else see a problem in that? 

Sending the pictures and wearing the revealing clothes and similar...all it does is make you feel cheap.  Eventually you start to wonder if the person really likes you or solely likes how you look because you are making it so simple for them to see it all.  I do not think this in any way shape or form develops serious and lasting relationships.

You know what should be attractive? A female with ideas, one who wants to change the world, one who really cares about others, one who has talents (baking, singing, whatever talent it is), one who is passionate about life- in the grand scheme of things do you REALLY want your selling point to be your low cut top?  Do you really want your selling point to be your super cute lingerie set?  Do you really want THAT to be your defining moment?  Not that the lingerie is bad, I agree it's cute but it should not DEFINE you.  Sex and being sexy should not DEFINE you.  You are so much more than that.

Surprisingly, females of substance in most cases are attractive to the boys that you really WANT to be attracted to.  The kind of boys that want the pictures are not the boys that last in relationships. I have multiple ex's that I can use as proof on this and some that never even got to the boyfriend stage because seriously it is the only thing they cared about. They are not the ones you would consider settling down with, and they are not necessarily the loyal ones either. 

Turn your life around, if you are in this mess.  I finally got to the point where I am comfortable with myself and my life enough to the point that I can say to someone "Yea, NO." when asked to shoot them just a quick slightly sexy picture.  Don't be a Desperate Darla (made that up myself) and bow to every whim.  The ones that are worth it will respect you regardless.  The ones that are really worth it won't even ask in the first place.

Is my self-esteem at 100%? No.  Will it ever be? I'm not sure.  But it is high enough to know when something is going to cheapen me as a human.  (And I am not a raging feminist by any means either so don't take the word cheapen as such.)

Find something you are passionate about.  Find a hobby or a cause or a career that you are truly passionate about and be someone of substance.  If your conversations with someone never hit any serious level of depth, ask yourself why that is.  Do you have no depth? Do they not? Or does the relationship not?  Fix it.  Dr. Phil once said that we teach people how to treat us. 

Be a female of substance.  Chase down your dreams and study what you are interested in.  You want to make bread? Check back here later and use my super simple recipe and be the best darn bread maker on your block (if the recipe works out...if not, use google).  You want to change the world? Change it, start in your community, look for issues, and fix them.  Be who you dream of being to the fullest potential that you can achieve and stop letting this stupid fad and the other stupid fads ruin who you are.  And stop taking society's portrayed image of the perfect female without a grain of salt.  The super skinny, super shallow, easy girl...she's nine times out of ten not going to be the one that aligns with who you really are.

Be a female of substance.