The Life and Times of an Atypical Female

Well the secret is out, I am not normal.  Which would come as no surprise to anyone who knew that I made my own tortillas today just so I could turn them in to tortilla chips and not have to buy them from the store.  But that was 1.5 hours of excellent learning experience, and as it turns out it is still really hard to make tortillas perfect when you are rolling them out with a travel mug.

I will get a rolling pin for my next apartment, I promise.  But if anyone ever had to McGuyver some cooking utensils, I am all over it.

I broke down and got a pinterest a few months back, and it definitely has its highs and lows.  First, I cannot stand logging in to my pinterest and my feed being plastered with half naked pictures of Channing Tatum, the dude from Twilight, and Adam Levine.  I adore Adam Levine, don't get me wrong, but it is just not my desire to see...THAT MUCH of him when I am on a DIY mission.  Luckily the makers of pinterest planned ahead and you can unfollow people's specific boards so that your pinterest no longer looks like the male version of a playboy...maybe that is the first place in which I am an atypical female.

It was actually pinterest that triggered this conversation of me being a bit on the odd side compared to females in general in the first place.  I cannot for the life of me fathom why so many single girls on pinterest have wedding boards.  I know people who haven't had a boyfriend in as long as I have known them and they are posting to them nearly every day.  For me, it is a little mindboggling.

In my opinion, this obsession with these boards is completely misdirected.  Why on Earth would you plan a wedding before finding the guy?  It seems to me like females that do that almost want the marriage more than the relationship.  It comes across sometimes as seriously idealizing this idea of a marriage and the ceremony, specifically.  And seriously, it may as well just say its a marriage to just anyone because other than the half naked Channing Tatum these girls probably don't have a realistic dude in mind.

If someone asked me right now what I wanted my centerpieces to look like, I would stare at them and probably say "centerpieces for what??" or some vague answer along the lines of "idk, flowers and candles?", because as far as I am concerned that is really all the more detail you need.  Centerpieces are really dumb in my opinion.  Although, if someone were to make edible arrangements their centerpieces, I would find that a worthwhile venture.

Except not stupid Edible Arrangements that you order because they are far too expensive and that is the easiest stuff to DIY, people. 

I can honestly sit here and say right now that I have given next to no thought on 95% of things that are related to weddings.  I did say once that if my gold prom dress could be bleached I'd wear it again someday, which my mom promptly gave me that "dear Lord please don't try that" look.  I did give a second consideration to a dress once, but that was pretty halfhearted and was under circumstances in which a boy was the one discussing the whole wedding idea.  Other than that, my only goal is to be small enough to wear a prom dress from DEB and get out of there for about $80 on the dress. 

I also don't get into relationships and immediately debate on if I could marry the guy.  I like more realistic questions, such as "can I put up with him for the next 6 months" because as we all know, the first couple months are the most rocky.  The kind of things that I would look at before even contemplating marriage:

• Does he have goals and is he working toward them?  If not, next.
• Would he have a reasonably secure job future?  If not, next.
• Could I have a family with this person, and would there be a family support system on his side of the family?  If not, next.
• Would he be there in a crisis?  If not, next.
• Is there a mutual sense of trust in all situations? If not, next.

And I don't even consider any of the above until I really know that I like them.  I think that getting hung up on things like marriage really sets you up for frustration because while you are planning it, you are going to be thinking about it more, and likely wanting it faster.  And if he is not ready to commit and you have your whole wedding planned already and the invites ready to mail...talk about problems.  Why not just roll with it and plan it when it gets here?  That is the kind of stuff that makes more sense to me.  If there is not a ring on your finger...skip the planning.

I don't have a little scrapbook somewhere of my head plastered on bridal magazine dresses, nor do I have a stash of brides magazines lying around.  I don't have a pinterest board for it, and I don't have any desire to be getting hitched any time soon.  The person you marry is far more important than the material things of the day.  Make a board that has stuff on it you want your guy to be like.

And not a half naked Channing Tatum.  Just saying.

And while we are on the subject, here are some other strange factoids about me that may not be typical:

• I play halo sometimes, and when I get in the flow, I can be ruthless with a laser.  And sometimes a sniper.  I still can't drive a Banshee or Ghost though.  Sue me, I'm working on it.
• I love wooly worms.  You know those little fuzzy worms that have the black and brown fuzz?? SUPER CUTE! I don't squish them I politely take them back outside.  If you squish them, you are a bully.  My best friend recently told me they freeze in the winter and basically die, and then come back to life in the spring, and may go through 14 cycles of this before they become a moth.  That is really freaking cool.  We are now calling them the Jesus Worm.
• On that note, I also like earthworms, blue tailed lizards, and praying mantis bugs. Those things are ninja bugs, who wouldn't be impressed?
• Except for in rare circumstances, I rarely notice a guys eyes.  If you do not have eyes that absolutely draw me in, I can assure you I will not know the color of them later.  There are a few people, however, who I could tell you exactly what color their eyes are from the start.
• I like arm muscle better than abs. This may not be completely weird as a female, but I figured I would throw it out there.
• I actually get insulted when I am telling people some crazy cooking venture of mine and their response is "You will make a good wife someday".  Seriously?  First, my cooking has nothing to do with trying to reel me in a man, I cook for me and to learn.  Second, just because you can cook doesn't automatically make you a good wife...it just makes you a good cook.
• If right now someone said you can marry the man of your dreams/choosing or you can go on to get your Master's and/or PhD, I would choose the degree every time.  50% of marriages fail.  That degree would stay with me forever.  Welcome to being a realist.
• I am perfectly fine with arguing over football, and especially fantasy football. 
• I don't let guys win.  If you are going to challenge me to some game or whatever it may be, you are going to have to earn the win.
• It is not my heart you have to impress, it's my brain.  I don't like guys who only can talk about sports and know absolutely nothing about anything else.  If my brain flatlines, so will our relationship, sometimes even if it is a friendship.  You have to bring something to the table that I don't bring myself or be able to carry on a conversation about current matters.  For instance, if right now you are unaware that North Korea threatened to bring South Korea down to ashes, you probably should log in to yahoo now and then.  Or twitter.
• I am not afraid to be single, but am actually more afraid of committing to the wrong person.  Divorce is expensive, if you are going to get married you really consider whether it is the right person or not beforehand.  Obviously I understand that things change over time and some things aren't avoidable...but other things most certainly are. 
• I have absolutely no desire for a baby right now, I'm 21.  Late 20s at a minimum, early 30s is fine by me.  If even then.  I do not understand the people from my class that already have one or more.  This to me is not an option.
• This is probably just weird in general, but today I actually made my first alcohol purchase for my roomie and I to celebrate our graduation (in a very responsible way, I am not a partier in any sense) even though I will be 22 in less than a month.  Better late than never I suppose!

Well, there you have it.  No wedding bells and boards, no baby wantin' hormones, no raging boozing on Thursdays, the secret is out :).  Like I have said many times before, I am a green zebra, prancing along in a sea of black and white.

NFL DRAFT IS THURSDAY!!


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